


Talking to the Moon

by sadhockeytrashbaby (allofthefandoms)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Difficult Pregnancy, Found Family, Get Together, M/M, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-08 09:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7751617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofthefandoms/pseuds/sadhockeytrashbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt stares down at the male pregnancy test in his hand, feeling numb.  This can’t really be happening.  Christ, he’s looking at the wrong side of 40, divorced for two years and now pregnant?  He couldn’t even know for sure who the father was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a fic that deals pretty honestly with difficult pregnancy, the risk of miscarriage, and premature birth. Both baby and mother end up fine, but this deals pretty frankly with this sort of stuff, and thus is not for everyone. There is also a brief mention of an abortion by a minor supporting character. 
> 
> Also welcome to my own personal hell of being eaten by a ship exactly two other people care about, whoops. The fic is finished, so I should have everything up in a few days.

Matt stares down at the male pregnancy test in his hand, feeling numb. This can’t really be happening. Christ, he’s looking at the wrong side of 40, divorced for two years and now pregnant? He couldn’t even know for sure who the father was. There were a few possible candidates from the Cup celebration 5 weeks ago, but that was a nonstarter. Oh yeah, the 39 year old veteran got knocked up at a drunken party and doesn’t know who the dad is, anyone want to come play babysitter? Yeah right. Matt takes a long swig of his ginger tea and just stares.

He could get rid of it, he supposes. 5 weeks isn’t too late for an abortion. But the moment he thinks about it he rejects the thought outright. He loved having his sons, and he knows he’ll love this kid just as much. It does influence a few choices about playing hockey next year though.

With that settled, Matt knows he needs to call his agent, and then probably someone in Penguins management. He didn’t have to tell them anything beyond his retirement, but he figures he owes them the truth after they had been in serious negotiations for the past 3 weeks about getting him a new contract.

The calls go a lot better than he expected, but even so he’s left with a twisted sense of dread in his stomach that he knows isn’t just the morning sickness. His teammates have been his rock, especially the last year, and he’s dreading the ever expanding future without them. He flinched when his phone buzzes with an incoming text.

Rutherford says you’re not coming back?

It’s Sid.

This is not a conversation Matt is about to have over text, so he steels himself and picks up the phone.

“Ah, hey Sid. Yeah, I’m calling quits,” he says when Sid picks up. “I, ah…I'm pregnant and I want to keep it, so…”

“You’re pregnant?” Sid asks sharply. “I didn’t even realize that was a possibility for you.”

“Yeah, well…been married to my wife so long that it kinda became a non issue. And then when we divorced I wasn’t really a hot commodity on the gay dating scene. Hockey and my hand were enough.” Matt can hear Sid thinking and he’s dreading the inevitable conclusion. 

“So it’s possible it’s mine.”

“Sid look, I don’t really care about the paternity of my baby, alright? I’m doing this on my own and I don’t want you, I don’t know, trying to be in a relationship with me or something just because you might have donated your sperm to the creation of my kid.”

“I don’t want you to have to go through this alone,” Sid argued. “It’s my responsibility to look after you, as your captain, if nothing else. Move in with me. At least get out of that tiny sad apartment and into a place where you’ve got a bit more of a hands on support network.”

“I’ll be okay,” Matt says, and he knows his protests sound weak.

“But I want you to feel better than okay.”

. .

Matt moves in on a brisk early fall day before training camp. He had held out for most of August with Sid pestering him to move in, but eventually he folded. It was easy to forget Sid’s easy warmth when they were parted for the summer, but with it back on him full blast, Matt had no choice but to cave.

He’s standing in front of the mirror poking his belly before the rest of the team arrives. Sid knows that Matt plans to tell everyone now that he’s out of the highest danger zone, but it doesn’t make it any easier, especially now that his bump is large enough that the truth really is pretty undeniable. Shaking himself, Matt pulls his shirt down and heads to the living room.

“Woah, you’re enjoying retirement already,” Tanger teases and Matt drops his head, embarrassed. 

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you all,” Matt says, unable to meet anyone’s eyes as the room quiets. “The reason I retired this summer is because I’m pregnant.” The silence is deafening.

“No way…” Someone says. Matt tightens his shirt, making the bump unmistakable. To his surprise, Phil is the one who hugs him first. There is a wistfulness in his eyes that made Matt’s heart lurch.  
“Glad you’re able to make a different choice than I was,” he whispers before pulling away. Matt gives him a questioning glance and Phil just pats his stomach and lets others come and congratulate him.

. .

He and Phil become close friends. Sid hovers awkwardly, but Phil makes Matt laugh, and as he learns more about the heartbreak of his terminated pregnancy, he becomes more and more grateful that he was able to keep his own kid with minimal fuss.

“I don’t regret it, exactly. Just…you know, wish things had been different. I don’t think a kid at 22 would have been good for me, and I would have hated to have given up hockey, but it felt like the choice was made for me, you know?” Matt doesn’t, but he also knows better than to tell Phil that. He never had the fate of a franchise on his shoulders.

He finds himself growing close to the retired Penguins still in Pittsburgh too, to Gonchar and Dupuis and even to Mario Lemieux. A network of friends and companions seems to be springing up around him without him even trying, and it’s making the prospect of raising this kid on his own that much less daunting. 

And Sid’s constant presence doesn’t hurt either.

He comes to every appointment during the summer, and once the hockey season starts up in earnest, they work the ultrasounds around Sid’s travel schedule as best they can. They clasp hands when the soft whoosh of the heartbeat fills the room, and all of a sudden this is painfully real. Matt spends the rest of the day in a haze. Sid knows better than to push when he’s like this, and they orbit each other silently. 

It’s easy. Too easy.

This could be the rest of Matt’s life, he thinks, freezing in the doorway as the thought hits him. He wants it to be too. And it’s not just a life like this with some nebulous boyfriend. It’s a life like this with Sid, being a stay at home dad taking his baby to hockey games to cheer for their papa, making food together without even needing to speak, laughing and growing together as they become a family.

His bed feels very empty that night.

. .

It gets easier and harder once the season starts properly. Sid has obligations, travel and press and games, and he’s gone a lot more. He spends a lot of time with Pascal and Mario, soaking in their kind experience. He can’t help but miss Sid like a lost limb though, and he fields more knowing looks than he has in his whole life.

“It’s not like that,” he insists when Mario asks. “You know Sid. A sense of duty and responsibility a mile wide. He’s doing it because he’s gotten it into his head that it’s the right thing to do, not out of any particularly deep feelings for me.”

“Is he responsible?” Matt freezes at the question and Mario’s gaze goes knowing.

“It’s possible,” Matt admits, and Mario curses.

“Look, I don’t care about the paternity. It’s not like I need the money or anything. I told him that right at the beginning, but he didn’t care. I mean, I know the press is speculating anyway, but whatever.”

“So a cup baby then,” Mario says after a moment. 

“Yeah…” 

“And you’re sure you want to keep it?”

“Bit too late to be asking that,” Matt says sharply. “And yes. Maybe this baby's conception was a mistake, but I chose to keep it and I don’t regret it. Letting my wife have full custody of our sons was the right thing to do, but I miss having a family. Retiring means I can be a full time parent, and It’s not like I’m in a bad place financially. I like living here, the schools are good, my house is plenty big. And even though it’s my first time being pregnant, it’s not my first time raising a kid. I’m ready for this.”

“You’ve clearly thought it through,” Mario replies gently. “And I’m sorry I doubted that. You’re hardly a 20 year old rookie.” There’s a story there, but Matt doesn't press. It does make the rest of his visit easier, and Mario is much more obviously warm now that his own concerns had been laid to rest.

. .

The support is put to the test about 20 weeks in. He wakes up with vicious cramps and tries not to panic. There is no blood or discharge, but it’s like a vice has clamped around his middle and won’t let up. He calls Mario with shaking hands, and it’s only a matter of minutes before he and his wife Nathalie are there, both in bathrobes as they help Matt up and into his sweatpants so they can get to the hospital.

It’s a little anticlimactic. The cramp is gone by the time a doctor comes and sees him, and he explains bashfully that he panicked and insisted they take him to the ER.

“Better to be safe than sorry,” the doctor promises. “Male pregnancy is hard and as an older carrier you’re at increased risk.” The exam is quick and Matt is home in just a couple of hours with a diagnosis of Braxton Hicks false contractions and a list of symptoms to be concerned about if they happen again.

Sid arrives home from his road trip the next evening, a look of controlled terror on his face.

“Mario told me you had to go to the emergency room,” he says voice tight as he looks Matt over for any sign of illness or injury.

“It was a false alarm,” Matt says, a little shortly. His back was killing him, and he was really not in the mood for Sid’s intensity. 

“He said you were having contractions,” Sid insists, tracing the line of Matt’s belly with his eyes.

“I told you it’s no big deal. False contractions happen and that’s all this was. I just got scared okay? Drop it.” Sid’s face falls, and Matt immediately regrets getting angry.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he says, deflating. “I’m having a crap day, and you getting all in my face about something that ended up not being a big deal is just a little irritating.” Sid puts a hand on Matt’s arm.

“Anything I can do?”

“A back rub would be nice,” Matt says wryly.


	2. Chapter 2

Sid is fucked.

Matt is glowing, the sharp angles of his face filling out, hair lush and soft looking. Sid wants to run his fingers through it, but he knows that would be crossing a line.

But it’s hard not to want It, spending so much time with him. The doctors visits, the lazy evenings on the couch giving him foot rubs when he complains of puffy ankles…it’s painfully domestic and it makes Sid’s heart ache. He knew that if he wanted to be a hockey player that he would have to give this up. He didn’t want his story to be ‘the first gay hockey player’, and even though he didn’t regret it exactly, seeing his friends and teammates marrying and starting families of their own hurt more than he had expected.

Matt is asleep now, curled around the outrageous Penguins themed custom body pillow Flower had gotten him as a gag gift. Sid fees a little creepy, watching from the door, but there is something soothing about watching Matt sleep, top scrunched up to reveal the swell of his stomach.

. .

Matt sends him the most recent sonogram picture while he’s in Dallas.

The baby is sucking their thumb and Sid gets the goofiest smile on his face. Flower nudges him, and Sid is all too eager to tip his phone so Flower can see too.

“24 weeks,” Sid says proudly. Flower gives him a knowing look but to Sid’s relief, doesn't comment on how smitten Sid is. Sid doesn’t want to examine it too closely either.

“Boy or girl?”

“Matt stays he doesn’t want to know,” Sid replies. “But I’m betting it’s going to be a girl.”

. .

He comes back from the road trip to find Matt sobbing on the floor of the kitchen, a charred mess cooling on the stove. Sid hesitates before pulling Matt into his arms, mindful of his stomach.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you,” Matt sniffles when he’s gotten a bit of control back. “You really didn’t have to do any of this, and here you are, letting me live in your house and rubbing my feet when they swell. I just…god I feel so useless. I can’t even remember that I put food on the stove anymore…”

“You’ve got a lot going on,” Sid soothes. “Being pregnant is a lot of work, a lot of stress on your body. You don’t have to worry about me. I wanted you here to take care of you, after all. Let’s get you up off the floor and somewhere comfortable okay? Then we can think about dinner.” Matt gives a grateful little sigh and lets Sid get him to the couch.

“So, food?”

“I…I kinda want the most deep fried thing you can find me,” Matt confesses. “I don’t even usually even like that sort of stuff either…I know it’s not in your diet plan though, so I can just order something and you can have whatever.” Sid can’t stand how resigned Matt sounds, and throws up a soft mental apology to the training staff before speaking.

“I can forget my diet for one meal. How does fish and chips sound?”  
“Extra vinegar and ketchup, please, please.” The relief and enthusiasm in Matt’s voice is well worth the diet plan guilt. 

. .

It gets harder and harder for Sid to leave to go on road trips. The other guys start to notice, ribbing him mercilessly.

“It’s almost like it’s your kid,” Tanger teases as Sid stares wistfully at the most recent sonogram. “You ever going to let Matt move out or are you just going to steal the baby and it’s dad?” 

“It’s not like that,” Sid protests a little too quickly. Kris raises an eyebrow.

“Matt says the dad isn’t in the picture, but I wonder. You sure are acting like the dad.”

“Matt has no idea who’s the father and has made it clear he doesn’t want to. I’m not… it doesn’t matter if it was my sperm or not. He doesn’t want me to be the father in any way that matters.” Kris’ gaze goes sharp.

“I was kidding, Sid. Is there really a chance that the kid is yours?” Sid gives a small nod. Kris blows out a long sigh.

“Shit that makes it complicated. Obviously your feelings must run a little deeper than just wanting to look after a knocked up single teammate.”

“Kris please…it’s not like that. It was just a drunken one night celebration after the cup. It wasn’t supposed to be anything complicated.”

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t get complicated,” Kris points out. Sid give a little shrug.

“And is pretty obvious that it’s more than just friendship driving you now.”

I’m not…he doesn’t want that,” Sid insists. “My feelings are entirely secondary to what he needs right now.”

“You gain nothing by keeping quiet. He might surprise you. The worst he can do is say no.” 

“But he’s living with me,” Sid protests. “I can’t make it awkward. He needs as little stress as possible right now.” Kris rolls his eyes, but finally drops it, to Sid’s relief.

. .

Sid doesn’t find himself less distracted after his revelation about Matt.

The doctors are getting increasingly concerned about his pregnancy and it feels like every time Sid is home he’s taking Matt to one appointment or another. The morning sickness is back, and he’s struggling with fake contractions even though the doctors assure them that it’s not serious.

“Go Sid,” Matt says from the couch as Sid waffles by the door. “I've got Mario and Pascal a phone call away. I’ll be fine. I’m not going to be alone.” Sid feels his shoulders sag, ducking his head.

“But what if you need me?”

“There is nothing you can do for me that Mario or Duper can’t,” Matt says with a fond eye roll, and Sid knows that it shouldn’t hurt so much. 

. .

When Sid gets back from the road trip, Matt isn’t there and Sid can’t find a note. Checking the doctor's schedule, his stomach sinks. Unless there was an emergency, Matt would be here. Matt knows Sid worries. He wouldn’t have just up and gone somewhere without letting Sid know.

Hands shaking, he calls Duper. The dread grows when he says he hasn’t seen Matt. Sid has to take a few deep breaths before he calls Mario.

“Please tell me Matt is with you,” he blurts when Mario picks up.

“I take it you didn’t get my message.” Sid knows Mario , and even though he’s calm, Sid recognizes the tension in his voice.

“We had to go the hospital. Matt began to bleed. It didn’t turn out to be serious, but they want to keep him overnight to make sure everything stays stable.”

“And the baby?”

“Totally fine. It wasn’t even close to real labor.”

“What hospital are you at? I want to come see him.” 

“Sid…”

“Look, we don’t even have a practice tomorrow. It’s not a big deal.” Sid can tell Mario is reluctant, but eventually he gets directions and is on his way.

. .

Matt looks pale in the bed when Sid arrives.

“How are you feeling?” Sid asks, taking a seat across from Mario.

“Scared,” Matt confesses. “Everyone tells me everything is fine, they even let me hear the heartbeat and walked me through the vitals but…but what if they're wrong? My baby is only 26 weeks. If they are born this early…”

“That’s why you’re spending the night,” Mario says gently. “If something happens, they will be able to give your baby the best chance possible.” Matt runs a hand over the swell of his stomach.

“I just…things were so easy,” he whispers, tears in his eyes. “Maybe…maybe I was stupid for hoping everything would be fine. I know the odds at my age.” Sid waffles for a moment and then takes Matt’s hand.

“This kid is worth fighting for,” Sid murmurs. “I've seen you with your boys. You’re a great dad and you deserve this kid too.”

“They…they were an accident. How do I tell the that when they ask about their other father?” 

“There is more than one way to be a family. You’re not alone, and your kid won’t be either.” Matt gives him a trembling, hesitant smile.

“Penguins for life,” Sid says with a smile of his own, and he’s surprised by how much he means it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The PoV in this chapter alternates with each break. I think it's clear, but just in case.
> 
> Also, CW for graphic depiction of difficult birth.

It’s the pain that wakes him, sharp and stabbing. Matt can barely draw a breath, and his hand goes to the swell of his stomach in a panic. Fumbling for the light, he looks down at himself and chokes on a scream.

He’s lying in a pool of his own blood.

Oh God the baby. 

He fumbles for the phone by his bed, hands shaking so hard that it takes him ages to unlock his phone and place a call.

“This better be important,” comes a groggy voice.

“Duper, I’m bleeding,” Matt gasps out. “Fuck I’m bleeding and the baby….the baby is only 8 months along, it’s too early. It’s too early and—fuck oh God it hurts.”

“I’m on my way,” Pascal says softly, voice steady and grounding. “I’ll be there soon, but you need to breathe for me. I know it’s scary, but everything will be fine. If the baby has to come now, the baby will come now. Just breathe.”

“I’m not ready,” Matt whispers. 

“Who is?”

. .

“There’d better be a very good reason why you’re calling me at 6 in the morning,” Sid says, rubbing his eyes as he picks up the phone.

“The baby’s coming.” Sid freezes at the stoniness and fear in Pascal’s voice. “I didn’t want to call until things had stabilized, but it looks like this baby is going to have to be born, probably in the next 12 to 24 hours. They wanted to get him right in for a C section but he refused unless the baby was in critical danger. They’ve got him on fluids and steroids, but this baby is coming.”

“It…fuck he’s not due for another 3 and a half weeks,” Sid says, blood cold.

“Well, they’re coming now. His placenta tore, triggering labor, and waiting too long just means he and the baby are in more danger. I don’t know how much you care about being here, but you’ve been taking care of him and I thought you deserved to know one way or another.”

“Thanks…and…and he’s doing okay?”

“As well as can be expected for a single father who woke up in a puddle of his own blood to find out his baby is coming early,” Duper said dryly and Sid made an embarrassed sound. Of course Matt wasn’t okay.

Sid keeps thinking about it as he gets ready for team breakfast in the hotel. Flower and Geno both sense something isn’t right, but something in Sid’s demeanor must tell them not to probe. So instead he sits by himself as he pokes at rubbery eggs and too greasy sausage.

It had been his sense of responsibility that had first driven him to Matt’s side. Neither of them had any illusions to the contrary. While they didn’t know for sure, it was very possible that this baby was Sid’s, and he wasn’t going to abandon his friend because he wouldn’t face up to his mistakes. But he had always liked Matt, and being so intimately a part of his life over the past 8 months had given Sid a tantalizing look at what it could be like to do this for real.

And suddenly, that’s all he wants, a burning deep in his gut to at least be brave enough to try. He cared for Matt, found him attractive and desirable. And they were having a baby together. There were worse things to build a relationship on. Mind made up, he pushes his chair back, food untouched. 

“I have to go back to Pittsburgh,” Sid says to Coach Sullivan, taking him by surprise.

“My baby’s coming. Duper called me early this morning, said Matt’s gone into labor.”

“Your baby?” Sullivan says sharply.

“I…we don’t know about paternity,” Sid says honestly. “But it could be mine, and I want it to be in every way that matters.” Sullivan gives him a long look, eyes soft, before shoeing him away.

“Send me a picture and I might not bag skate you for springing this on me,” he shouts to Sid’s retreating back, and Sid can’t help but smile despite everything. 

. .

The contractions are still about 20 minutes apart.

The bleeding has mostly stopped, but he’s still spotting, and the post partum pads feel awkward, even though he knows it’s better than just bleeding all over his hospital gown. He’s hooked up to all sorts of monitors, for him and the baby both, and the IV pinches uncomfortably, though Matt realistically knows that’s more in his mind than anything else. He’s pathetically glad Duper has stayed with him. From the beginning, he’s been a soothing level headed voice to balance Matt’s own growing panic. The doctors say if things haven’t progressed in a few hours that they will have to induce labor. It’s not safe for him to continue this pregnancy and he either has to let them cut it out of him, which he refuses to do unless someone’s dying, or go through with the birth the traditional way.

(He’s trying not to be hurt that he hasn’t heard from Sid. They didn’t have a real relationship anyway.)

“Wait what?” Pascal has been on the phone, but Matt hasn’t really been paying attention through the cramps and contractions. You’re on a plane? You’re coming now? Why?” There’s a pause, and suddenly Matt is curious.

“You should tell that to him, Sid.” Oh my God, Matt thinks dumbly. Sid is coming. Sid will be here. Pascal holds the phone to his ear and all Matt can do is let out an embarrassed little whine.

“Oh Matt, I’m so sorry.” Sid’s voice is better than the ice chips that the nurses are feeding him, better than the first cut of skates on ice, better than anything. “I’m on my plane right now. We’ll be leaving in just a few minutes, but I had to call.”

“Why…” Matt says dumbly, the haze of pain and worry making it hard for him to think.

“I…I want this baby,” Sid whispers, the words tumbling out of him like he can’t say them fast enough. “I want this family, I want this family with you. I…I just wasn’t ready to admit that to myself until I realized how close I was to loosing you both. Look they’ve just called to turn off electronics. I’ll call as soon as I land. Duper’s already texted me the hospital information. I’ll be there in just a few hours I promise. Love you so much.” The line clicks dead, but it’s like some unknowable weight has floated off Matt’s chest. All of a sudden this doesn’t see quite so scary.

. .

The flight seems to take forever.

Even in first class it feels like the walls are closing in on him. He can barely eat the lunch put in front of him, even though he knows he’ll need the energy. He shuffles through his IPod, keeps getting distracted playing Call of Duty, and has worked himself most of the way to a tension headache before he forces himself to take a deep breath. Matt is going to need him calm and together.

He asks the flight attendant for a few bottles of water, and focuses on taking steady breaths as he drinks. It’s not really that far from Boston to Pittsburgh, a little over an hour, and so he puts on an old podcast just to tune out the noise in his head. Worrying won’t make time go faster.

And then when he hops in a taxi of course there’s an accident slowing traffic to a crawl. Of fucking course. At least on the ground he can be in constant communication with Duper. They’ve had to induce and it sounds like Matt is in a lot of pain even though he’s trying to hide it. But he’s stable, and the baby too. Sid has to remind himself that it’s all that matters now.

When he finally arrives at the hospital he has to wait again until they can actually confirm who he is, and he has to remind himself to slow down so his handwriting is actually legible on the paperwork he has to fill out. He’s given a band and then he’s finally led to Matt’s room.

Objectively Matt looks absolutely awful. He’s pale and pinched and connected to half a dozen machines that beep in various reassuringly steady tones. But when he looks up at him, eyes brightening with joy, Sid is sure this is the most beautiful Matt has ever looked.

. .

Fuck it hurts.

All Matt can do is cling to Sid’s hand and pant through the contractions. They make the painful cramps of earlier feel like nothing. He’s sure something inside him must be ripping, but the nurse seems pleased by his vitals and the lack of any noticeable bleeding. The doctor says he’s close to being fully dilated, and that as soon as he feels the urge to push that someone should contact her right away.

But all Matt feels right now is pain.

“You’re doing so well,” Sid murmurs, running his free hand through Matt’s hair. It’s been hours, but he hasn’t budged from Matt’s side, even though he’s sure Sid’s lost all feeling in his hand. A sudden spasm hits him and Matt can’t stand to be on his back for another second. Sid catches him as he awkwardly tumbles out of bed to pant on his hands and knees through the latest contraction.

“Get the doctor,” Matt grinds out, and Sid is on his feet, sticking his head out the door to call for a nurse. He returns a moment later with the doctor in tow.

Matt refuses help back on the bed until Sid gets back to his side, stumbling as the bed is lowered so he can kneel more comfortably. Sid helps him back up with steady hands.

“Okay, Matt, you’re fully dilated,” the doctor says after a quick exam. “I want you to push for a count of ten with each contraction, okay?”

Pushing really isn’t any better than the contractions, but it feels more like progress, like things are actually happening. The doctor is in and out along with a team of nurses keeping an eye on him and the baby due to the high risk birth. He knows that if the slightest thing goes wrong now that they won’t hesitate to wheel him to the OR to just cut the baby out of him despite his wishes. He’s not going to jeopardize his kid, that’s not it, and they’ve been patient with him even though they’ve tried to explain over and over why it would be safer to operate. But call him old fashioned, but the thought of going under the knife to have his baby makes him squirm.

With every push he feels shifting and movement inside him, making him gasp and shift himself. He knows it’s the baby, knows it’s his baby and those small signs of progress steel his will through the pain and mess. 

Suddenly he feels a sharp burn and he spams, unable to keep pushing as he whimpers into Sid’s shoulder.

“It’s okay,” the nurse says. “You’re just beginning to crown. I can feel the baby’s head right inside you. You need to keep pushing, though, okay? Deep, hard pushes. That’s it.”

“You’re doing so well,” Sid murmurs into his ear. “Getting so close now. Soon we’ll be holding them, Matt. You’ve just got to hold on a little longer. For our baby.” He bares down, moaning as the burn increases along with a deep pressure. He looses himself in the rhythmic waves of pushing and pain, grunting through his teeth. He focuses on Sid’s voice to keep the worst of the pain at bay, a soft soothing lilt of encouragement and love. He starts when Sid shifts to take more of his weight, pressing Matt’s hand between his legs.

It shocks him, feeling the wet hardness of his baby’s legs. He can feel a little nose, scrunched up eyes and wet hair, and when the head pops free, he lets out a cry of joyous disbelief at the rush of relief he feels. It takes just a few more pushes for the body to slip free entirely and Matt collapses.

Their baby is born.

. . 

Their daughter is beautiful.

They only get to hold her for a few minutes because she’s too small and can’t quite breathe on her own. But the doctors reassure them that she’s big for her gestation and otherwise in good health. At the very least she can be kept in a mobile incubator by Matt’s bed.

Matt, for his part, is desperately trying to stay awake to watch her, but Sid can see him fading, the pain and blood loss catching up to him. There were a few touch and go moments after the baby was born where the bleeding just wouldn’t stop, and Sid is only now finally feeling himself relax himself as well.

“Rest Matt,” Sid murmurs, stroking his hair, “She'll still be here when you wake up, I promise.”

“She needs a name,” Matt slurs, already half asleep. “Like…like Rosemary… Rosemary Crosby-Cullen…our little Rosie girl…” 

“Sounds perfect,” Sid murmurs, heart swelling. He still can’t believe that Matt is so willing to welcome him into his child’s life, into his life. That after everything Matt really does want him here. Matt falls asleep with an exhausted smile on his lips, and Sid can’t help but take a picture so he can keep the memory of this moment forever. 

As promised, he sends Sully about half a dozen pictures of Rosie in her incubator. Within moments, the whole entire team has texted and Sid can’t stop smiling.

. .

Matt still feels completely wrung out when they finally get to take Rosie home. It turned out to be nice that both of them needed a bit of an extended hospital stay, because both of them were cleared to go home together.

Sis had been reluctant to leave his side during the week he was hospitalized, but it was February and both of them knew just how close the standings were and how much of a difference Sid could make.

(“You've got a baby now,” Matt had teased. “Go get her a cup.”)

But they go home on a day off, and Sid is glued to his side. When they arrive at Sid’s house, it turns out that that the whole team is waiting for them, throwing the baby shower they never had when Matt was pregnant. Trina, Troy and Taylor are all there too, cooing over how much Rosie looks like Sid had when he was an infant. Matt feels overwhelmed by how loved he feels.

“I made the right choice after all,” Matt says later, standing in the rubbish of the gifts that had been heaped on them.

Sid’s smile is soft and full of promise.


End file.
